Feb 23, 2010 
When I first heard the phrase, “you create your own reality,” I was resistant. It sounded untrue at the least, per chance arrogant. And there is truth in my resistance. For some life seems (however unfairly) to follow a straight and easy course, few bumps or even detours, little adversity, minimal tragedy. While for others one calamity follows another. I find books like The Secret offensive, at risk of blaming life’s true victims. But there is truth in the contention nonetheless. Give it some thought.
For years, in a broad variety of contexts – seminary courses to adult education classes, counseling sessions to informal conversations, from pulpits to lecterns – I have suggested a formula for creative and proactive, effective and happy living: C + R = O: Circumstances plus Response yields Outcomes. One could argue (more about that a bit later) that we have no control over circumstances, external realities, those situations in which we find ourselves. These are “givens.” For many: no equation, no formula. “Que sera, sera” . . . what is, is; what will be, will be. Make the best of it. Be noble and stoic. Delight when things go well; tough it out when they don’t. As the brusque, per chance offensive bumper sticker puts it, “Shit happens.” I must confess a quiet respect for people who appear to live nobly, resolutely, even creatively from such a perspective.
I am suggesting that how we respond to these “givens” – these circumstances that coalesce seemingly “on their own,” beyond our control – make a difference, per chance all the difference. Our formula might expand to read: C + P + T/F + B = O: Circumstances + Perception + Thoughts and Feelings + Behavior = Outcomes. Response, it seems to me, operates on three levels” (a) how do we choose to perceive these circumstances – are we seeing clearly, in-focus, or in blurred, distorting ways (remember the last time an oculist slid differing lenses in and out of that little carriage in front of your eyes, seeking the combination that increases or decreases clarity and focus), (b) how we choose to think and feel, processing internally, about what we perceived (among perhaps hundreds of thoughts and feelings, a “dominant attitude” edits and selects among them), and how do we choose to behave in response to our circumstances.
Perhaps the key words, the pivotal and defining words in all of this, un-highlighted by italics or quotations makes, are “choose to”. Just as we may regard circumstances as beyond our control, we could well argue that perception and thinking and feeling are their own “givens,” even behavior of limited options. I not only believe that, but I try to live life in alignment with that belief, that “attitude does make all the difference” . . . and it’s significantly, even overwhelmingly, a matter of choice.
St. Paul, initial interpreter of Jesus’ teaching and principle architect of Christianity, one can argue, challenged us to be aware where we “set our mind” – looking to what is lovely, true, noble and honorable, putting attitude into practice, yields peace. He encouraged a hesitant young leader to “be called to a spirit not of timidity, but strength and might.” An Old Testament proverb states it first in the negative, “what I feared came upon me,” and then in the positive, “as you think in your heart so it will be.”
A single bedtime story is the favorite of now the third generation in our family, The Little Engine That Could,” of “I think I can . . . I think I can . . . I think I can” fame. The first high jumper to leap above his own height explaining his innovative, upside down approach said, “I throw my heart over the bar and my body follows.” Or a simple experiment no matter what your age (if you live near a street with a curb): Walk twenty feet along the curb without losing your balance. If you look at your feet, you will become anxious and teeter. If you look ahead, you will walk with perfect, confident balance.
Like St. Paul said: try it out. Not just walking along curbs . . . but with everyday life.
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